i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
