i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
