You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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