dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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