Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
