yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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