im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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