3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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