My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
