So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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