I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
