oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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