im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
