She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
