This is not my ceiling
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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