Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
