There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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