How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
