i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Drunk is not a location!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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