I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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