if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
