Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
