I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
