I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
