remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
