i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
