1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
