Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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