am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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