So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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