Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
