she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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