im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
