Soap is not a condiment
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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