D3 body, D1 cock
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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