I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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