this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
