How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sponge bath it is.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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