can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
