He disabled his match.com account in front of me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
