The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
