she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you had me at cake vodka
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
