Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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