I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
