Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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