she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
