I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
