Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize