OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
