I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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