Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
