Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
