shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
