Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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