party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
