I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
