I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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