I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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