Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
