I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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