i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
