Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
