Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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