If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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