ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
