I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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