i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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