This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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