Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
