my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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