I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't make out with my wife yet
love makes seman taste better
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
