So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
