All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
